Well… when were you planning to tell me everything?” — the son looked at Natasha with hatred in his eyes, stunned.
— “Gleb, my son, what is it? What happened?”
— “I know everything… mom.”
The last word the boy spat at his mother’s face.
— “Well, tell me, I want to know too,” Natasha tried to turn it into a joke and stepped forward to hug her son.
But the boy recoiled from her, as if she was contagious or might hurt her own child. — “Glebushka, my son, what happened?”
— “Go away, I can’t stand to see you,” the boy quickly undressed and went into his room.
No matter how hard Natasha tried, she couldn’t reach her son; he wouldn’t open the door, and Natasha thought he was crying.
— “God, please explain to me, what are you accusing me of, finally? Gleb! What’s this behavior of a spoiled young lady? I thought my son was an honest, grown man…”
— “Really?” — the door flew open, and her son stood there, red and disheveled, — “I thought my… mother was honest and… and… loved me, but you…”
The word “mother” stung Natasha like a knife. In all fourteen years, her son had never called her that, not even once, and now… It hurt, it hurt so much, and it was so unfair…
But Natasha collected herself. After all, between the two of them, she was the adult.
— “Still… try to explain.”
— “I know everything, dad… dad told me everything.”
— “Aha, so now I understand. Well, well, what did your father tell you?”
— “Everything… how you put me in an orphanage and… everything, he told me everything, do you understand?”
— “I understand, of course…”
— “And what?!” — The son looked confused at Natasha, — “You… won’t even try to defend yourself?”
— “Me? No, I don’t have anything to defend. You know, you’re probably right, I’m a useless mother… I think you’ll be better off with your dad, I’ll tell you something…”
And then… then I’ll help you pack your things and send you to your newly found, such a good, kind, loving daddy.
And I, like a bad mother, will live for my own pleasure.
Her son remained silent and just looked at her…
Since the father entered their lives, Natasha had been living like on a powder keg.
Her ex-husband suddenly decided to communicate with Gleb, and Gleb became unrecognizable.
— “Where to begin… Sit down, son, it’s impossible to explain in just a few words…”
— “I don’t want to listen to anything, you… you… vile woman.”
— “No… you’ll have to listen to me, son, sit down, I said. You’re still a child, throwing accusations at me.”
“Listen to your father’s version, I don’t know what he told you, now listen to mine.”
“I was born in a seemingly well-off family, and nothing seemed wrong, but my parents split up.
My father found a new love, and I still don’t communicate with him.
As for my mother… well, mom, she started proving to my father and everyone around her that she was still ‘quite fine,’ and she was a queen.
I started getting new ‘fathers,’ one after another, and my mother started spiraling down.
I found out about adult life earlier than most children should.
In the end, I ended up in an orphanage.
I had grandparents, uncles, and aunts, but… I ended up in an orphanage.
Mom promised me she would stop drinking, get herself together, and take me back.
She kept her promise, she took me back, but I went back to the orphanage, on my own. Can I not say why?
I tried to forget about it, I haven’t communicated with any relatives since, and you know, it’s always just been you and me.
I don’t suffer from it, I just live.
So I asked to go back… They took me, Aunt Katya, you know she’s not really your grandma?
Gleb nodded, and Natasha continued.
— “She worked there, and she was very surprised that a 13-year-old girl came by herself. She talked to me, I told her everything, and that’s how I ended up in the orphanage for the second time, and stayed there until graduation.
Mom never came, not once. She had her own, good family, she said she had suffered… and I was just a reminder of her past life, and well… never mind.
In any case, thanks to Aunt Katya, Ekaterina Fyodorovna, I graduated with honors, I went to university, met your father, I was in my last year and working as a waitress, you know, no one was there to support me.
I lived in a dorm.
Your real grandmother, your father’s mother, didn’t want a stray, that’s what she called me when I said I had lived in an orphanage for two years.
But we got married, and then you were born, and when you were six months old, your father got tired of being a husband and said he was leaving. He met someone else, or rather, I’m leaving.
Where to?
Oh, no one cares, just go and take your son with you.
Then my mother-in-law graciously allowed me to stay for two weeks while her son, with his beloved girl, would go on vacation.
At that time, I thought she was so good and kind, she pitied me, caressed me.
But no one pitied me…
I was running around the city looking for a job, but who would hire a young specialist with no experience, and a baby in her arms?
I went back to being a waitress, but my employer forbade me to come to work with a child, meaning with you.
I asked my mother-in-law to let me leave you with her when I had shifts, but they kicked me out.
Your daddy probably already introduced you to your beloved grandmother?
By now, the old lady must have shed a bucket of tears seeing her beloved grandson, forgetting how she once promised to throw him into the hallway if I didn’t clean before her favorite son, your father, came.
I took you in my arms and almost drowned myself… well, what else was there to do?
I thought, in one move, I’ll take the sin on my soul, I’ll answer, and my innocent angel will go to heaven, that’s what I thought then.
I stood on the bridge, the water was grey and cold. And you were quiet, I held you close, then a homeless man came, grabbed my hand… he said to me, don’t be a fool, girl, there are no hopeless situations…
When I came to my senses, I went to the park, sat on a bench with you, and my head started working clearly.
I looked at my sunshine and thought, what kind of egoist am I? I was pitying myself, oh, poor me, no one loves me. And my son? My son, I’m his whole world.
So I thought, the plan came right away, I went to Aunt Katya, you know, she was like a mom to us, no, she wasn’t some kind of saint. She was special, if she decided to help, she wouldn’t abandon you.
I told her everything, and she agreed to help me get you into the orphanage.
Whenever I had a free minute, I ran to see you, we couldn’t pull apart, we clung to each other like that, you seemed to understand, I cried and begged for your forgiveness, asking you to hold on.
Mom will be back, — I whispered to you.
I worked two jobs, and then the girl who worked with me said we could earn a lot of money picking berries, she was going to another country.
I hesitated… but I had nothing to lose, and Aunt Katya supported me, she said she had heard about it, her neighbor made money for her son’s wedding, bought him a car and almost saved enough for an apartment, and so I went.
Three long years, I was a slave, but I managed.
We managed.
I took you with me later, the owner allowed me, you probably don’t remember…
We earned enough for an apartment, our own apartment.
We returned home, Aunt Katya greeted us like family, we stayed with her for two weeks, quickly found an apartment, I say we because we were together, always. You and me.
Together.
Then… I enrolled you in kindergarten, and you spoke English quite well with an English accent, and you, what?
Did you really believe it was genetics? That you speak English so well? No, I wasn’t ready to tell you then, and you were too small, so I just said the first thing that came to my mind…
I got a job in my field, and we lived together, not bad, right, son?
I never remarried so no one would hurt my baby, I could have had more children, but I was afraid of becoming like my mother…
She’s still alive, pestering me with her kindness, but she’s nothing to me…
Just like your daddy with his mommy.
What does he want? He thinks if he’s nice to you, it’ll make up for not paying the alimony? Well, guess what, son, I’ve opened up to you, haven’t I?
I’ve told you everything, don’t accuse me of things I didn’t do.
According to your beloved grandmother, I’m a wanderer, a beggar. I’m the unloved ex, I’m a bad mother…
I’m not surprised my son has taken their side… well, you’re grown up now, son, only an adult son, a man, can call his mom ‘mother’ and throw accusations in her face.
I’ve said everything, son.
I’ll sit here in the kitchen while you pack your things, I’ll call your father — tiredly said Natasha, — I’ll tell him you’ll live with him now, he’s the good one, he didn’t put his son in an orphanage, but did you ask your daddy… where was he during all this time? Oh… go to hell…
Inside, there was emptiness and wild pain.
Gleb was the only person in her life. No, she didn’t plan on becoming a wicked stepmother and keeping her son to herself, she wanted to raise him into a worthy man, marry him off, love his wife like a daughter, and play with her grandchildren…
Well then.
Natasha sluggishly went to the kitchen, looking for her ex’s number in her phone, tears blurring her vision.
— “Mom, mom… please, don’t, don’t call him, I’m sorry, mom… I thought it was just a dream, mom… I remember, do you hear me? A lot — a lot of berries… that’s why I don’t eat them, right?”
— “Yes,” Natasha said quietly…
They both cried.
— “I’m sorry, mom, I’m such a… I can’t forgive myself… When I think of my little mom, alone in the big city with a baby in her arms, I’m sorry, mom…”
Natasha hugged her small, yet so grown-up son…
That evening, she heard Gleb talking to someone on the phone.
— “No, sorry, we’ve been planning to go to this concert for a while… no, I think mom will be against it, don’t call her.
You know, you came into my life so suddenly, I’m happy, but… dad… let’s take a break, sorry… I need to talk to mom, and… I’ll call him myself.”
— “Son,” Natasha entered the room, “maybe you don’t need to be so harsh, after all, he’s still your dad, sorry, I accidentally overheard.”
— “Mom, I’ll decide, okay?” Gleb said seriously, and then, just like when he was a child, with kitten eyes, asked his mom to read him a book.
— “About whom?” Natasha laughed, “About the little boy?”
— “No, mom, it’s a tough physics topic, and you explain it so well…