Noticing that his mother was calling, Fyodor was in no hurry to answer. He already knew what she wanted to talk about – surely, it was about needing money for his younger brother, Alexey, again. There was no other reason for his mother to call her eldest, unloved son. Every time he refused to help, he heard accusations:
“You should have gotten rid of you when there was a chance! My grandmother told me a folk method, but I took pity on you. You shouldn’t have been born at all. I never loved your father. He took advantage of my weakness, and now you’re sucking all the life out of me!”
What was Fyodor doing wrong? He didn’t understand. He studied diligently in school and managed to get into university on a budget place. Even then, he moved to a dormitory just to not bother his mother. The guy wanted to receive at least a bit of maternal love. When he was still a boy, he secretly watched how his mother hugged Alexey to her chest, how tenderly she spoke to him, with special care teaching him everything. Fyodor was usually yelled at. His stepfather initially tried to treat both sons equally, but after seeing his wife’s example, he started copying her behavior. Fyodor was like a punching bag at home – something bad happens, and you want to get rid of negativity – you can yell at him or beat him up. Life in the dormitory was tough. Perhaps because of his difficult childhood, Fyodor found it hard to connect with classmates. Only in the library with books did he feel good. Books couldn’t accidentally hurt feelings, couldn’t betray. Immersing himself in one world or another, Fyodor lived the lives of the heroes along with them. He felt loved at least in that way, pretend.
When the guy graduated from university and got a job, he started renting an apartment. He did not want to return to a home where he was not needed. However, it was at this moment in his life that a breakthrough occurred – his mother called, asked for a meeting. She repented in front of her son, talked about how wrong she was once. Deprived of attention and love in childhood, Fyodor took his mother’s repentance at face value. He decided that she really had come to her senses, that he now had a chance to experience parental love at least now. Fyodor began to be invited to joint holidays. His mother called and asked how her son was doing. Fyodor was happy, but then he still did not understand what it was all leading to.
At first, his mother started off distantly, asked to help his younger brother, who was not doing well with his studies at university, and then… to do Alexey’s essay… report… coursework. Fyodor helped, because his mother asked kindly, praised, and said that they definitely could not cope without such a smart son. The guy was delighted, like a child. His mother had not praised him in the same way for the gold medal he received at school… for getting into university on a budget. Sometimes the woman whispered to her son that his brother was not bright, that’s why he needed help. Fyodor was happy. He received the recognition he desperately needed. As soon as his brother barely graduated from university, financial difficulties began. His mother called Fyodor and asked him to transfer money to his brother because he got into trouble… or got into debt, and he couldn’t get out.
Alexey’s father and Fyodor’s stepfather, Nikolay Konstantinovich, tired of such family life, left his wife and went to another woman. Fyodor comforted his mother, promised that he would not leave them with his brother, but lately the calls had increased. Pinching himself in expenses, Fyodor almost gave all his earnings to his mother. It was necessary to buy warm clothes for the winter… but there was simply no money for that. As soon as the guy told his mother that he couldn’t help with anything, accusations immediately flew in his direction. The woman yelled at how bad he was. Then she apologized, of course, saying that she had flared up and said all this on the nerves, but the residue remained.
“Fedya, what are you really doing? Your mom is using you!” – once said a school friend, Sveta.
Fyodor had been communicating with Sveta since the seventh grade. The girl liked him, but he was afraid of losing their friendship — the only bright thing that was in his life, so he never confessed his feelings to her. Only Sveta and her parents supported him. Sometimes Fyodor even thought that they loved him more than his own mother. Though did she love him at all?
Pondering his friend’s words, Fyodor realized that all this time he had indeed been deceiving himself. He was so eager to get crumbs of maternal love that he turned into an obedient little dog, wagging its tail as soon as an appetizing bone was twirled in front of its nose.
This time, he had absolutely no desire to answer the call from his mother. Fyodor was going to call Sveta and invite her for a walk, but she called him first. The girl, in tears, informed him that her father was hospitalized. An urgent heart operation was needed. They could not do such an operation urgently by policy because of queues, and they had no money for a paid one.
“Fedya, I’ll try to get a loan at the bank. Can I use your number? They ask for someone familiar.”
“Of course, list it. You even ask!”
Fyodor was worried. He suddenly thought that if he had not given all the money to his mother and for his brother’s entertainment, he would have already saved enough.
No… he no longer planned to curry favor for fake love. If someone really loves and cares about him, they will appear not only at those moments when something urgent is needed from him.
The bank denied Sveta’s credit. Meeting with her, Fyodor decided that he had to help. The girl’s family cared about him… He couldn’t leave them in trouble. If Sveta’s father died, Fyodor would never forgive himself for inaction. The guy turned to his boss, knowing that at work good employees could be given an interest-free installment plan. Listening to him, Ilya Vasilievich immediately sent Fyodor to accounting, saying that they would withhold twenty percent of his salary monthly as repayment. It was a real gift. Even giving away fifty, Fyodor could live without needing anything.
“Fedka, you’re the best!” – Sveta, crying, hung on the guy’s neck. – “Thank you for finding the money. I will return everything to the last penny.”
“Say that too! You will still need money for rehabilitation. Don’t even think about it now! Pray for your father. And I will too.”
During the operation, Fyodor sat next to Sveta and her mother. He was no less anxious and breathed a sigh of relief as soon as the doctor came out and reported that everything had gone successfully. For the first time in his life, Fyodor felt that he had done something right. Helping his brother, he felt heaviness in his heart, but now he definitely knew that he had really helped someone, that it was all not in vain.
“Thank you,” thanked Fyodor’s mother Sveta. – “You’ve always been like family to us. It’s just a pity that you and Sveta are not together. She’s been in love with you since the seventh grade.”
The woman gasped and covered her mouth with her hand, realizing that she had let it slip, and Fyodor was just happy. Were his feelings mutual all this time? He decided that he would overcome his fears and talk to Sveta as soon as everything calmed down, and her father really got better. He was still in intensive care, much could change. In such a situation, there was no time for conversations about matters of the heart.
Returning home, Fyodor saw his mother sitting on a bench at his entrance.
“He shows up, not dusty!” – the woman flared up. – “How should I understand this? You haven’t answered calls for several days! He’s not at home! Where are you hanging out on a day off?”
“It seems I’m an adult enough not to have to justify myself,” Fyodor dryly answered.
The guy knew perfectly well that if he told his mother what he was busy with, she would judge. She would rush to pester Sveta’s mother’s nerves and demand to return the entire sum. He decided that he should not say anything to his mother. After all, she really wasn’t interested.
“Oh, how he talked. Mother is worried! I thought something happened to you, and you!..”
“I’m tired today… You go home. I don’t feel like talking anyway, and I can’t help with money. I don’t have any myself right now.”
“What a selfish person you are! And how could I miss the moment when you grew up to be a real selfish person? It’s just a nightmare!”
“Did you come to insult me?” – Fyodor calmly asked. – “It won’t work. I’m not offended. Go home. It’s getting dark already.”
“Wait!” – The woman clutched her son’s arm. She was trembling all over, and tears welled up in her eyes.
For a moment, Fyodor thought that his mother really was worried about him. Something trembled in his heart, but it instantly turned to stone as soon as his mother spoke again:
“You have to help your brother! The situation is terrible! Fedya, no one but you can help. Only you are our only hope. Lesha got into an ugly situation. He and Tanyushka, his wife, were attacked in an alley… He managed to fend off the attackers, but severely injured one, and he filed a lawsuit. Your brother will be imprisoned. You understand, Fedya… He won’t survive in prison. He’s not used to it. They’ll turn him into a punching bag there. Take the blame for your brother. I beg you, Fedya. Do you want me to kneel before you? Come clean. Say that you were with him at that moment and it was you who beat that guy? Your brother’s wife is pregnant, and you still live alone. No one will grieve.”
Fyodor wanted to laugh out loud. He knew his brother well. If someone really attacked them, Alexey would have left his pregnant wife to deal with it and ran away, flashing his heels. The only ones he could have fought with were his drinking buddies… Anyway, Fyodor did not plan to take his brother’s blame. The man thought that if Alexey was imprisoned, his wife would breathe a sigh of relief. He did not know how a smart, at first glance, girl ever jumped at Alexey, but it was her conscious choice. She definitely saw her chosen one and knew what she was agreeing to go through.
“You’re right, mom – you certainly won’t grieve. All this time you’ve been pulling wool over my eyes, making me believe that I had really become needed by my family… I dreamed of maternal love, and you knew it well. Was it nice to manipulate me? Probably laughed that I, like an obedient dog, did everything for a portion of false flattery? Those times are gone, and I’ve seen the light. Enough of what I gave you. Whatever really happened – if my brother is indeed guilty, then let him answer for it.”
“Don’t you dare refuse! I will curse you! There is nothing worse than a mother’s curse, just so you know!”
“Maybe you’re right. There’s just one problem – I have no mother.”
The words were hard to say. Fyodor barely held back tears welling up in his eyes at that moment. He loved his mother, no matter how she behaved. For every kick from her, he sought justification, but now it was time to recognize the harsh truth.
“The woman who gave birth to me hated me all this time. She was never sincere with me… At least now admit it honestly. I had no and have no mother. I was born as a side effect of your weakness for my father… You hated him too, it’s unclear why you even got involved with him then. But that’s your business, mom… That’s all. Enough of the falsehood. I will not support my brother.”
“You’re right! Every time it was hard for me to squeeze out love for you, but for money and benefit, you can go for it! You really won’t have a mother anymore! May all the bad things that exist in this life cover you.”
The mother left, and Fyodor felt hot tears roll down his cheeks. He sighed heavily and entered the apartment. A period had been put. It was long overdue to admit that his mother would never truly love him.
Soon, Sveta’s father recovered. The girl did not stop thanking Fyodor and asked him not to refuse the money she would gradually give him back.
“Svet, how about going on a date with me? I’m not offering this because I helped your father, I’ve just been in love with you for a long time… I was afraid to say it, not to lose our friendship, but your mom accidentally let it slip that you too… if the feelings are gone, I’ll understand.”
Sveta squealed with joy, rushed into Fyodor’s arms, and burst into tears. She was also afraid to destroy their friendship, so she kept silent and hid her feelings, but now they had to make up for lost time.
“I’ll go with you on a date if you agree that I return the money you gave for my father’s operation!” – Sveta sternly said and lifted her chin.
“Agreed. It will go to our common family budget anyway,” Fyodor smiled.
“Family?” – Sveta shockingly opened her eyes wide.
“You know me too well. I’m not one to change my choice… and if I start dating a girl, it’s only so that she can become my wife in the future.”
Sveta cried even more and nodded. Fyodor understood that no mother’s curses would come true. He should have let go of the situation that was dragging him down and become braver, but he was glad that he did it now.