My husband has decided he’s so important that he can lay down the law for me.
My spouse, Dmitry, suddenly decided he’s the center of the universe and can boss me around. And how! His demands make my blood run cold. He threatened me with divorce if I don’t stop seeing my daughter, Alisa, from my first marriage. Seriously? She’s my daughter, my flesh and blood, my life. And he thinks threats will erase her from my heart? I still can’t believe that the man I’ve lived with for so many years has sunk this low.
It all started a few months ago. Dmitry was always stubborn, but I saw it as a strength, not a flaw. He’s confident, decisive, used to having everything go his way. When we got married, I thought I’d found a reliable partner who would support me and accept my family. Alisa was only five then, and she took to him right away, calling him “Papa Dima.” I was happy to see how close they were. But over time, something changed.
He started pulling away from her. At first it was small things: he stopped asking how her day at school went, stopped playing with her like before. I chalked it up to fatigue—his job is stressful and he came home late. Then he began to bristle the moment I brought up Alisa. “You spend too much time on her,” he tossed out one evening at dinner. My jaw dropped. Alisa is my daughter—how am I supposed to not take care of her? She lives with my mother, Tatyana, in a neighboring city, and I only see her on weekends. Those visits are a breath of fresh air for me, a way to keep being her mother despite the distance.
And then came the ultimatums. A month ago, Dmitry sat across from me in the kitchen, folded his arms, and said coldly, “I don’t want you going to see Alisa every weekend. It’s destroying our family.” I couldn’t believe my ears. What family? We don’t have children together, and Alisa is part of my life. I tried to explain that I can’t abandon my daughter, that she’s already suffered because of the divorce, that she needs me. But he just shrugged: “She’s grown now, she’ll manage. If you keep this up, I’ll hire a lawyer.”
I was speechless. Divorce? Because I want to be a mother to my child? It was so absurd I didn’t even know what to say. In that moment I realized: the man I’d considered my rock didn’t see a wife in me—he saw someone who should obey. He didn’t just want to limit my contact with Alisa—he wanted to control my life.
Other moments came back to me. His criticism of my mother, Tatyana, whom he blamed for “spoiling” Alisa. The faces he made when I bought my daughter gifts or paid for her classes. And that time he declared that “the past should stay in the past,” hinting at my first marriage and my daughter. I ignored those warning signs, but now it all makes sense. He didn’t just fail to accept Alisa—he wanted to erase her from my life.
I don’t know what to do. Part of me wants to leave immediately. I can’t live with someone who makes demands like that. But another part is afraid. We’ve been together seven years; we have a house, plans. I’ve poured so much into this relationship. And how do I explain to Alisa that her mother is on her own again? She’s already asking why “Papa Dima” doesn’t come around anymore. How do I tell her he’s demanding that I forget about her?
My mother, Tatyana, says I have to protect my daughter, even at the cost of my marriage. “You’ll never forgive yourself if you choose him over her,” she told me on the phone. She’s right. Alisa isn’t just my past. She’s my heart, my responsibility. I remember holding her in the maternity ward, her first smile, her first steps. I can’t betray her for the sake of a man who sees her as a problem.
But Dmitry isn’t backing down. The other day he brought it up again, even harsher: “It’s me or your daughter. I’m not living with a woman who’s always looking back.” I kept quiet, knowing any word would spark a scene. But deep down, the decision was already made. I will not stop seeing Alisa. Never. Even if it destroys my marriage.
Now I’m thinking about what to do next. Maybe I should see a lawyer to understand the consequences of divorce. Find a better job so I can be independent. I’ve already started looking for an apartment closer to Alisa. It’s scary, but it also gives me hope. I want her to know I will always be there, no matter what.
Dmitry probably thinks his threats will make me cave. He’s wrong. I won’t live by rules that require me to give up what’s most precious. I will choose Alisa. And if I have to start from scratch, I’m ready. For her. For us.