He was her brother only by their father; their mothers were different. When her mother was sick and spent weeks in the hospital, her father had already started seeing this Darya.
Darya worked at the local hairdresser’s, but her mother never went there, saying it was too expensive. Ulyana didn’t know why her father went there—maybe he had long been interested in Darya, who was undoubtedly a striking woman: platinum curls framed her pretty face, her beautiful figure was well emphasized by her clothes, and although her mother called such outfits vulgar, Ulyana secretly dreamed of wearing tight leggings and tops with deep necklines—just like all the cool high school girls did.
Her father married Darya six months after the funeral. Ulyana had heard the neighbor Baba Katya say, “At least wait a year of mourning for decency’s sake.” But her father couldn’t wait. Or rather, Darya couldn’t: it wasn’t noticeable yet, but Ulyana knew that under the fancy white dress was a slightly rounded belly. Her father told her right away when he found out, with such a happy expression on his face, as if it was what he and Ulyana had only dreamed of:
“You’re going to have a little brother or sister.”
Of course, when her mother was still healthy, Ulyana wanted a little brother—but not one from a stepmother. She didn’t like Darya, and Darya didn’t like her. That dislike arose immediately—they barely had time to get to know each other properly. And it wasn’t only that Ulyana didn’t want anyone to take her mother’s place, and Darya would have preferred her husband to have no children. They were just so different that living under one roof was hard: Ulyana was an early bird, while Darya liked to sleep longer and got angry when the girl made noise; both watched TV series but on different channels, which led to nightly arguments that even their father couldn’t resolve; they also couldn’t share kitchen space, as each loved cooking and believed she knew best how to do it.
Ulyana thought she would hate this child. But it turned out differently: she loved Pavlik from the first glance. When her father handed her a blue blanket hiding a small yellowish baby face, Ulyana felt like the happiest person in the world.
The only thing Ulyana and Darya agreed on was Pavlik: Darya did not want to care for him at all, while Ulyana was ready to carry her brother all day, play with him, feed him from a bottle. Darya returned to work early, and Ulyana rushed home from school to sit with her brother, though she lost all her friends because of it.
At the same time, Pavlik singled out only their father in the whole family: even as a very small child, he learned to guess approximately when his father would come home from work and would desperately press his button nose to the cool window glass, gazing into the evening twilight. They had a special bond, everyone noticed it; little Pavlik was just a copy of his father—partly by birth, partly by his strong imitation. The father, who once always called Ulyana his favorite girl, now adored his son and clearly favored him. Ulyana wasn’t offended; she loved Pavlik more than anyone in the world. That’s why she couldn’t bring herself to tell her brother that their father was gone.
That morning, her father went fishing, as he often did. No one was surprised he hadn’t returned by lunchtime—he might have stopped somewhere on the way. But Ulyana had been shaking with an inexplicable chill all morning; she couldn’t figure out why and even took her temperature several times. The temperature was normal, but the chills didn’t go away. And when someone knocked on the window loudly calling Darya’s name, Ulyana remembered the same chills hitting her that day when the hospital called and told her mother was gone.
It was Ulyana’s idea not to tell Pavlik anything. She wanted to prepare him, find words to explain that their father hadn’t abandoned him, he simply wasn’t here anymore. Her brother was only four years old and didn’t yet understand what death meant. Darya sent him to her parents for a couple of weeks, agreeing it was better not to say anything yet—not to add his hysterics to her already overwhelming troubles. When Pavlik returned, he was told that his father had gone to work in another city. The boy cried and asked to go to his father.
Since that day, he constantly wanted to go to his father. He packed his little backpack and said he was going to see his dad. He sat by the phone waiting for his father to call. He told everyone he would soon go to see his dad.
“You’re lying to him for nothing,” Vadik once told her.
They studied together until the seventh grade. Then Vadik stayed back a year. He wasn’t dumb but absolutely couldn’t write properly—making silly mistakes like mixing up the letters “b” and “v,” skipping half the consonants. The teachers realized that an extra year wouldn’t help and let him graduate with difficulty from the ninth grade that summer and kicked him out of school.
Everyone knew Vadik was in love with Ulyana. He was a good guy: kind, with cheerful brown eyes, always ready to help. But Ulyana dreamed of another life—Vadik didn’t fit her image of a prince. Darya suggested she go to trade school after ninth grade to become a hairdresser, praising the profession, but Ulyana dreamed of becoming a doctor. Maybe if there had been more doctors in the hospital, her mother could have been saved. But there weren’t enough doctors, Ulyana heard this from her mother, who said that often during the day they would only come for five minutes and rush away, with no time to pay attention to everyone. So Ulyana decided she would become a doctor and never pass by a patient, even if it meant not sleeping at all.
To become a doctor, she had to go to the city. Which meant separating from Pavlik. It was hard. But Ulyana convinced herself she would come back every weekend. Besides the university, the city also attracted her because of Misha.
Misha came every summer to his grandmother for a month. When they were little, they often played in the same group, but then the boys somehow separated from the girls. At that moment, Ulyana realized she liked looking at Misha and liked hearing his laugh.
They barely met for a couple of years, and Ulyana suffered. But that summer everything changed: the boys again invited girls into their group, and she and Misha started talking again. Misha was also planning to enter medical school, and Ulyana dreamed that in the city they would become friends—or more than friends.
Pavlik missed his father very much. He went away to work and never came back. Pavlik knew it was because of him: he had asked his dad for a bicycle like the visiting Gosha Skvortsov’s, and his father said such a bike was expensive. Probably that’s why he left—to earn a lot of money and buy Pavlik a bike. That’s what Pavlik thought until Gosha told him he knew where his father was.
Gosha was older than Pavlik and bragged that he would go to school this year. Pavlik didn’t want to go to school; he saw Ulyana sitting late over her notebooks and not playing with him, explaining she needed to study. But now she was on vacation. Pavlik didn’t understand what that meant, but Ulyana no longer sat with her notebooks. Instead, she often cried and didn’t explain why.
“I heard from grandma where he is,” Gosha whispered to him.
Before, Gosha ignored him but now even let him ride his bike. Pavlik’s legs were short and didn’t reach the pedals, so Vadik, Ulyana’s friend, lowered the seat for him. Vadik was kind and always stood up for Pavlik.
“Your dad is in the river,” Gosha said.
“What do you mean, in the river?” Pavlik asked doubtfully.
“I don’t know. But grandma said so. And she knows everything.”
Then Pavlik and Gosha decided to go on an expedition—to look for his father. Gosha came up with the expedition idea, saying they needed to gather, take matches, food, warm clothes. He saw it on TV, and Pavlik believed him. They decided to keep the expedition secret: Pavlik was sure Ulyana wouldn’t let him go alone. Besides, he understood she was hiding something related to his father. Maybe she didn’t want Pavlik to interfere with his father’s work. Maybe his father was fishing in the river and selling fish? He took Pavlik fishing before, and Pavlik liked catching fish. Usually, though, they brought it home, and mom would scold, saying who would clean it.
When Ulyana was invited to a party at the Barsukovs’, she didn’t want to go at first, knowing what such parties were like: everyone would drink and listen to loud music. Although Ulyana tried to look like everyone else, she actually didn’t like it. She drank only once and was sick all night afterward, and Darya scolded her, calling her a drunkard. Ulyana didn’t experiment anymore.
But Misha promised to come to the party, and she couldn’t miss that. After consulting with a friend, they decided to go but only drink lemonade.
Ulyana kept her promise, but her friend gave in immediately when Sasha Temnikov, a visitor, handed her a glass. Ulyana shrugged and stepped aside. Misha wasn’t there; she was bored. But Vadik was there, dragging her to dance and telling her she was the most beautiful girl here.
By evening, it became unbearable: everyone was drunk, the music pounded in her ears. Ulyana curled up in a corner on the couch near the table, wishing to leave, but her friend was so out of control she didn’t want to leave her alone. Ulyana asked her several times to leave, but the friend waved her off like an annoying fly. Finally, Ulyana gave up and decided to leave alone. At that moment, Misha arrived.
Misha sat on the other side of the couch, seemingly not noticing her. He chatted with someone, drinking a cloudy liquid from a plastic cup. But Ulyana noticed he poured most of it into the pot with the monstera plant in the corner. At some point, he caught her glance and winked. When everyone rushed to dance, hearing the summer hit, he came closer and said:
“Shall we crawl under the table?”
Ulyana was confused.
“What do you mean? Why?”
“Well, you know.”
“Okay!”
Her heart was pounding desperately. They crawled under the table. It was cramped, and she bumped her head painfully on the tabletop.
“Let’s lie down,” he suggested.
They settled close so their shoulders touched.
“I don’t like all these drinking parties,” he admitted.
“Me neither.”
“Then why did you come?”
She couldn’t admit that she came just to meet him.
“My friend dragged me.”
“Got it.”
The conversation died down.
“What do you like?” Ulyana ventured to ask. “I mean, how do you like to spend your time?”
“I like nature, camping. Sitting by the fire. Want to go tomorrow? There’s a cool place nearby; my friends and I wanted to go. Will you come?”
Ulyana’s mouth went dry, and she barely managed:
“Yes, if I can…”
Of course, Darya didn’t let her go anywhere.
“Who will watch Pavlik? I have work, you know. Now I have to feed both of you, and you’re going to the city to study. Do you think money grows on trees? I stand on my feet all day to feed you.”
Ulyana was upset. But when Darya left for work, she decided no matter what, she would go. She first arranged with Pavlik that he would stay alone, then ran to Vadik and asked him to check on her brother sometimes.
“And where are you going?” he asked gloomily.
“To the cliffs with friends.”
“What friends?”
Ulyana didn’t specify.
“Okay,” he said. “I’ll watch him.”
Ulyana quickly packed a swimsuit, warm sweater, a loaf of sausage, and a loaf of bread into her backpack. She didn’t know what else to take. She and Misha agreed to meet at the station, and time was running out. She decided to figure it out there, kissed her brother on the cheek, and ran off. At the exit, she stumbled over his little backpack and wondered why it was there—but she didn’t have time to ask.
She practically ran to the station, out of breath, but it wasn’t hot. For some reason, it was cold; her hands were covered with goosebumps. This chill felt familiar, but she decided it was because of excitement—she was going somewhere with Misha, lying to Darya, leaving Pavlik alone.
“I thought you wouldn’t come,” Misha said.
“But I did.”
“Well, great. The train is coming. Do you know everyone? This is Vitya, and this is Nastya. Guys, this is Ulyana; I told you I invited her.”
Although everyone looked friendly at Ulyana, she felt awkward. Probably because everyone wore hiking clothes, and she was in shorts and a t-shirt—not at all like for hiking. Maybe that’s why she felt so cold.
When the train arrived, Ulyana felt very bad. Anxiety didn’t leave her; only now did she realize she shouldn’t have left her brother alone. What if something happened? She looked back as if she could see her brother through the row of gray houses and paused for a moment.
“Why are you stuck?” Misha shouted and offered his hand.
Ulyana grabbed his hand and climbed the tall steps.
“Careful, doors closing. Next station…”
At that moment, Ulyana realized she had made a mistake. She remembered when the same chill hit her and why…
Pavlik was lucky: his mother went to work, and Ulya ran off somewhere, ordering him to stay home and not mess around. But he didn’t plan to misbehave. But he didn’t want to stay home either: he and Gosha were going on an expedition today. Pavlik took his prepared backpack and went to his friend’s house.
Gosha came out happy—in a new blue cap, with a tightly packed backpack on his shoulders.
“I told grandma we were having a picnic behind the gardens,” he explained. “She baked us pies.”
The river was far, and on the way, they stopped several times to eat pies and drink water from a water pump. It was hot, and Gosha said they would swim as soon as they got to the river.
“First, we’ll find my dad,” Pavlik objected.
Once, a strange woman stopped them and asked where they were going and where their parents were.
“We’re going to dad,” Pavlik answered proudly.
Dad wasn’t at the river. But there were boys playing ball. Pavlik and Gosha spread a blanket grandma gave Gosha and decided to wait, hoping dad would show up soon. Under the open sun, it got even hotter, and Gosha decided to go swimming. Pavlik went with him.
“You can’t swim?”
“No.”
“I can. My mom takes me to the pool. Now I’ll teach you.”
The water was warm at first, but when Gosha dragged Pavlik further to show him how to swim, a cold current appeared. Pavlik didn’t like it but was afraid to say so. He also didn’t like the water filling his nose and ears or when Gosha pushed him and said, “Swim!” But then he managed to stay afloat, and Pavlik was glad: his dad would be proud when he found out he learned to swim.
He never understood how it happened that the bottom disappeared under his feet. Pavlik heard Gosha calling him, tried to stand, but couldn’t. He swallowed water, screamed, swallowed even more water. His vision darkened.
“Dad!” Pavlik called. “Dad!”
Someone’s strong hands lifted him, and Pavlik understood: Dad came; he saved him!
Ulyana got off at the next station. Misha was offended and said he didn’t expect such a betrayal from her. But Ulyana didn’t care. She was trembling with chills, unable to think about anything but her brother left home alone.
She was lucky; the train back arrived in thirty minutes. Ulyana ran home so fast she had to hold her backpack by the straps; otherwise, it bounced with every step and painfully hit her back—the thermos Misha put in her backpack and forgot to take with him.
Ulyana’s fear was not in vain: the house met her with such silence that it was immediately clear Pavlik was not there. Just in case, she called him several times, but her brother didn’t answer.
She ran to Vadik’s, hoping he took the boy with him. Vadik wasn’t there either. Ulyana stood outside his house for about five minutes, calling him.
Where to go next, Ulyana didn’t know. She was shaking, tears streaming down her face. She wouldn’t go anywhere or apply to be a doctor—she just wanted Pavlik to be okay!
Seeing familiar kids, Ulyana asked:
“Have you seen Pavlik?”
“Nope, haven’t!”
Ulyana ran around the village asking everyone, describing Pavlik, but no one had seen him. She had already given up when a stranger woman approached and said:
“I saw two boys; they went to the river.”
The river. Ulyana shuddered. Pavlik’s words came to mind: I want to see dad.
“Don’t go to dad.”
The river was far away. Maybe they hadn’t reached it yet. The main thing was to run and stop him. Ulyana dropped the stupid backpack she’d been carrying all this time and ran toward the river.
She saw the crowd from afar and immediately understood she was too late. Her legs turned to jelly and refused to move. The chill went to her bones. Then she noticed a familiar shaved back of a head. Vadik! Ulyana ran to him and only then saw he was holding Pavlik—wet, frightened, but alive.
“Pavlik!”
Ulyana grabbed the boy, sobbing, holding him close. He cried too and said he just wanted to find his dad. Someone’s hand hugged Ulyana’s shoulders, and she immediately knew it was Vadik. Strangely, she didn’t feel uncomfortable at all. The chill started to go away. So they stood, hugging, hiding the frozen Pavlik between them. Ulyana looked into Vadik’s eyes and was surprised to find that his eyes were not brown as she had thought but amber with green sparks…