“Thank goodness you finally noticed!” Natasha said skeptically. “Do you honestly think there’s nothing else a woman might enjoy receiving as a gift?”
“What do you mean?” her husband asked, genuinely confused. He truly had no idea what was wrong.
And don’t tell me men like that don’t exist. They absolutely do—and there are more of them than you might think.
“I mean exactly what I said!” his wife snapped. “A ring, for example! Didn’t anything click in that head of yours? I practically spelled it out for you!”
“So, what did he get you in the end? A frying pan?” her friend asked sarcastically.
“Oh, not just a frying pan, my dear,” Natasha replied in the same mocking tone. “Think bigger. I got a whole set of saucepans and even a little milk pan. The complete collection!”
“He certainly has imagination,” Lina said, raising her eyebrows. “Mine would have stopped at the milk pan.”
They were talking about Natasha’s recent birthday and, naturally, the present she had received from her beloved husband.
And he really was beloved.
Natasha was a beloved wife too. It showed in everything he did. As the old song goes, he didn’t drink, didn’t smoke, and always brought her flowers.
Leonid had almost no faults.
They had been married for three years, and everything in their life was going well. They loved each other, had good jobs, were financially comfortable, and owned their apartment. In other words, they had the classic set of things people were supposed to have in a happy family.
Still, no one should imagine that perfect little Lenya had no flaws at all.
He had one.
A tiny one.
Whenever he had to choose a present for his beloved wife, something inside his head seemed to short-circuit.
It wasn’t that Natasha received nothing. He never forgot an occasion, and he certainly didn’t think gifts were unnecessary. On the contrary, the gifts were often expensive and useful.
The problem was that every single one of them belonged to the household.
They were never really meant for Natasha herself. They were designed to keep the apartment clean, make it more comfortable, or help food appear on the table faster.
In most families, such things were simply purchased when needed, without waiting for a birthday or anniversary. They were household appliances, bought to make everyday chores easier.
A robot vacuum cleaner, for example.
Or a dishwasher.
Or a bread maker.
All wonderful things, of course. But why did Leonid insist on calling them gifts specifically for his wife?
Anyone could load a dishwasher.
Anyone could bake bread.
Why were these appliances always presented to her?
“Why wouldn’t they be?” Lenya would ask in surprise. “You’re the woman.”
“Thank goodness you finally noticed,” Natasha would reply dryly. “But don’t you think a woman might want something else?”
“What do you mean?” her husband would ask, honestly baffled.
Again, don’t say men like this don’t exist. They do. And quite often.
“I mean jewelry!” Natasha finally exploded. “A ring, for example! Didn’t you understand my hints? I practically showed you what I wanted!”
“You did?” Lenya looked surprised again. “I don’t remember that. Besides, what’s wrong with the bread maker?”
“There’s nothing wrong with it,” Natasha sighed. “I like the bread maker.”
“There you go!” her husband said with satisfaction. “I made your life easier. So what exactly is the problem?”
Everything was the problem, but Natasha said nothing.
Talking to him felt like a conversation between a blind man and a deaf man.
Sometimes, she decided, you had to speak to people in a language they understood. Better still, you had to treat them exactly the way they treated you.
Enough explanations. It was time for action.
After all, if you wanted to develop a conditioned reflex, endless lectures were useless. A small, well-timed shock worked much better.
Give the wrong present—zap!
Nothing serious, just enough for the lesson to stick.
Natasha’s birthday was approaching, and she decided to wait and see what Lenya would choose this time. After that, she would begin her little educational experiment.
This year, he gave her a set of saucepans, a frying pan, and the small milk pan mentioned earlier.
Meanwhile, she had shown him several times which earrings she wanted. There had been no subtlety left in her hints. Everything had been explained so clearly that even a child could have understood.
Most importantly, they could easily afford the earrings.
But no.
Instead, she received cookware.
It was excellent cookware, Lenya proudly explained. Stainless steel, heavy-bottomed, high quality.
“Nothing will burn, darling!”
That did not improve matters.
It was still cookware, not earrings.
And the strangest thing was that Leonid had appeared to understand her hints. He had nodded and said, “Of course, sweetheart.”
What had happened after that was impossible to explain.
Perhaps he suffered from a rare form of gift-related stupidity.
Whatever the diagnosis, treatment had become necessary.
All right, Lenya, prepare yourself.
Talking time was over.
It was time for therapy.
Leonid’s birthday was coming soon, and he began hinting that he wanted a new fishing rod.
He was passionate about fishing.
Not the kind of fisherman who used fishing trips as an excuse to drink vodka and sit around with friends. Leonid genuinely fished. He caught real fish and brought them home.
And naturally, Natasha had once received an electric fish scaler for one of her holidays.
“All for you, darling,” her husband had said. “Now you won’t ruin your beautiful hands.”
Thoughtful, wasn’t it?
And yet, if the fish scaler was so wonderful, why hadn’t Leonid requested it for his own birthday?
That would have made perfect sense.
Instead, he wanted a new tackle box for winter fishing.
At last, Lenya’s birthday arrived.
He woke up in a wonderful mood.
The anticipation of a celebration, after all, was often more enjoyable than the celebration itself.
Natasha was an intelligent wife. She always understood what her husband wanted, even when he barely mentioned it.
And he usually received exactly that.
That morning, a carefully wrapped package tied with ribbons and bows was waiting on the bedside table.
Judging by its shape and size, it was definitely a fishing rod.
Perfect.
Leonid felt a warm rush of happiness.
The next day was Saturday. He would go fishing immediately.
The beautiful wrapping paper was torn apart in seconds.
Inside was a garment steamer.
Leonid stared at it.
Where was the fishing rod?
She must have mixed up the gifts, he decided.
Of course!
His mother-in-law’s birthday was only a week after his own. Natasha must have accidentally placed her mother’s present beside the bed and hidden his fishing rod somewhere in the wardrobe.
No problem. He would sort it out.
Leonid immediately searched the cupboards and wardrobes.
There was no fishing rod.
Eventually, he went into the kitchen, where his loving wife was already preparing a festive breakfast.
When Natasha saw his bewildered face, she immediately began singing:
“Happy birthday to you!”
Then she stuck a candle into a sausage sandwich.
Everything for her beloved husband.
She celebrated him thoroughly.
“Natasha, where’s the fishing rod?” Leonid asked, without even saying good morning.
“What fishing rod?” Natasha asked, looking genuinely surprised.
“My present,” he explained, as if she were being unusually slow. She had probably become so distracted by breakfast and decorations that she had forgotten everything.
“Why did you decide your present would be a fishing rod?” Natasha asked.
“Because I hinted at it. I thought it was obvious.”
“People hint at all kinds of things,” she replied. “I hinted that I wanted earrings, but I received a set of saucepans.”
Leonid still didn’t understand.
All he could see was that instead of the fishing rod he wanted, he had been given some completely useless object.
“But why do I need a garment steamer?” he asked in disbelief.
“What do you mean, why?” Natasha replied. “It’s for steaming clothes. You’re a manager, aren’t you? So manage the steaming.”
“But I’ve never steamed clothes in my life,” Leonid objected after a moment.
“And why haven’t you?” Natasha asked enthusiastically. “Because you never owned a steamer! I had never baked bread before you gave me a bread maker. But then I got used to it.”
“You’ll get used to this too. It’s very useful around the house. Exactly the kind of thing you love.”
“I wanted a fishing rod,” Lenya said quietly. “I even showed you the model.”
“Oh, don’t be so formal with your own wife,” Natasha continued cheerfully. “I once wanted a ring, but you bought me a vacuum cleaner. I showed you the ring too.”
“And look at me now. Instead of wearing jewelry, I vacuum. And somehow I survived.”
“You’ll survive too.”
“Instead of fishing, you can steam your own shirts. I’m already sick and tired of ironing them.”
She smiled proudly at her own joke.
“Well? Aren’t you pleased, you little rascal?”
“I can see how happy you are. Come on, kiss me and let’s begin your birthday breakfast.”
Leonid remained silent.
A complicated thinking process was clearly taking place inside his head.
First, he had just realized that the fishing rod was gone.
Second, the boomerang had returned and hit him directly in the forehead.
Natasha really had shown him the earrings.
She had also shown him a ring.
And a pendant.
And several other pieces of feminine, completely useless nonsense.
And what had he done?
He had bought her a bread maker, a vacuum cleaner, an electric meat grinder, and a waffle maker.
All excellent, useful household items.
Now he had received a garment steamer.
Also an excellent and useful household item.
But why was it being given to him?
“So?” Natasha asked, as though reading his thoughts. “Are you wondering why it’s for you?”
“Yes,” Leonid admitted.
“And who else should I have given it to?” Natasha asked sharply. “Me again?”
Leonid opened his mouth.
He was about to say, “Who else?”
But for some reason, he stopped himself.
Natasha continued.
“I think I’ve received enough gifts like this. Now it’s your turn. You can start hinting about what you want for the next holiday.”
“Nothing silly, of course. Forget fishing. It must be something useful for the apartment.”
“How about a set of tools?”
“You know I don’t like that kind of thing,” Leonid said with a grimace.
“I didn’t like making waffles either,” Natasha replied. “They make you gain weight. But once I got that wonderful new waffle maker, I really got into it.”
“And how can you know you dislike tools if you’ve never actually done anything with your hands?”
“Once you own the tools, you’ll start using them. You might even enjoy it.”
“I’ll buy you a good set,” she continued. “You always give me quality products.”
“A drill, perhaps. Do you know how exciting it must be to drill into walls late at night and drive the neighbors crazy?”
“So, do we have a deal?”
Natasha spoke with a perfectly serious face. She did not smile once.
But the message underneath her words was obvious.
And Lenya was not a stupid man.
Eventually, he understood.
“So this is revenge?” he asked.
“Good heavens, no!” Natasha replied sincerely. “Why would I take revenge?”
“I genuinely decided to give you a garment steamer.”
“You love practical gifts, so I thought I should follow your example.”
“Why waste money on pointless things when I can buy something useful for the home?”
“So don’t thank me. Let’s eat before we’re late for work.”
Breakfast passed in complete silence.
What was there to say?
That evening, they were supposed to go to a café together.
Before they left, Lenya unexpectedly brought Natasha the exact earrings she had once shown him.
He placed the small jewelry box on the table in the hallway.
“Don’t expect me to run out and buy you a fishing rod immediately after dinner,” Natasha said, although she was clearly delighted.
“That isn’t why I bought them,” Lenya replied.
“Of course it isn’t,” Natasha said.
One small lesson had succeeded where countless conversations had failed.
Her husband had finally understood.
And if he ever forgot again, there were plenty of excellent options for the next stage of his education.
An electric sharpener, perhaps.
An air fryer.
A coffee machine.
The possibilities were endless.
Natasha would reform Lenya sooner or later.
Of that, there could be no doubt.
Even his mysterious gift-giving disorder had already shown visible improvement.
It just proved that when therapy was chosen correctly, results could appear very quickly.
Feel free to use this method yourself.
No thanks necessary.