“Inna, I’ve prepared a surprise for you, my dear!”
Her mother-in-law uttered strange—hence frightening—words.
“I know you simply adore surprises! And this one you’ll definitely love!”
Inna looked skeptically at her husband’s mother, who, for some unclear reason, was in an unusually cheerful mood. On top of that, she was dressed very oddly—in a white medical coat and bright trousers decorated with toy bears and bunnies. On her head sat a matching cap with bunnies.
At that moment Lilliana Dionisyevna was standing in the doorway of her daughter-in-law’s apartment and was clearly tipsy.
“You? Dressed like that?” Inna asked, eyeing her mother-in-law warily.
“What’s with you? And what’s the occasion for all this cheer? And now you’re coming up with surprises? Why? You’ve never even liked me!” Inna was feeling bold now and spoke without restraint.
“Oh yes, I’m having fun! I’m happy. And do you know why? As soon as you see my surprise, everything will fall into place. At last! I’ve been waiting for this for a very long time!”
Lilliana Dionisyevna burst out laughing so heartily that chills ran down Inna’s spine. Without paying attention to her bewildered daughter-in-law, the woman strode confidently into the bedroom.
“Open it!” the drunken woman commanded, pointing at the big built-in wardrobe standing in Inna’s room.
“What do you mean?” Inna asked, startled by her mother-in-law’s audacity.
“Go on, don’t drag it out! Open it quickly, your surprise is waiting inside.”
Sensing something was wrong, Inna rushed to the wardrobe. And when she opened it, she gasped.
All her new, expensive clothes were piled in a heap, stained with some horrible dark blotches, and some items had been cut to shreds!
“What have you done?!” Inna screamed—and finally… woke up.
The bedroom she shared with her husband was unusually dark and stuffy. For some reason Oleg had drawn the blackout curtains, even though he knew his wife hated that. She always liked to fall asleep looking at the starry sky. And the window was shut, although Inna distinctly remembered leaving it ajar for ventilation before bed.
“Oleg,” she groped for her sleeping husband.
“Where are you? Why did you close the window? Don’t you feel how stuffy it is?”
Inna felt uneasy. The strange dream had unsettled her far more than she expected. She needed the comfort of her beloved.
But the place where her husband should have been—snoring and seeing his tenth dream—was empty. Moreover, the sheets had already gone cold. Everything suggested that Oleg had been up for quite some time.
“I don’t get it…” the woman murmured in surprise, still half caught in the web of sleep.
The bedroom door was ajar, and even from the bed Inna could see that there were no lights on anywhere in their small apartment. Darkness loomed ominously. And silence.
She got up and decided to go find her missing husband. Maybe he needed help—maybe Oleg was lying in the hallway or the living room unable to move.
God, what nonsense is rushing into my head? Inna scolded herself. He’s probably just holed up in the bathroom with his phone. I’ve told him so many times—don’t drink so much beer at night. But no, he drinks and drinks like there’s no tomorrow!
Perplexed, Inna moved through the apartment searching for her missing spouse.
How shocked she was when she realized—he wasn’t home at all!
“I don’t get the joke! What is going on?” Inna looked around, dumbfounded.
“What, did aliens abduct him? Great! This I need to figure out right now! The wife sleeps peacefully while her husband is God knows where.”
She even went to the balcony to see if he was out there. The door was tightly shut and the balcony empty.
“Well, that’s rich!” she said, still hoping things would soon become clear.
Trying not to panic yet, she grabbed her cellphone and dialed her husband’s number.
Her fingers fumbled; anxiety was gradually taking over. Inna began to tremble. No matter how she tried to calm herself, it was no use.
When the call finally went through, a new shock awaited her. Inna even flinched in surprise and gasped. Oleg’s phone was lying quietly on the hallway nightstand, silently vibrating.
“He left without his phone! Is that even possible? Olezhek never parts with it!” Inna stared at the gadget in disbelief, afraid to move.
A minute later she was already checking the call and message history to see whom her husband had last called or texted. But there was nothing new or interesting there either.
“So what am I supposed to do now?” she foolishly asked the girl depicted in the painting bathed in sunset rays. The girl stayed silent.
In distress, Inna paced back and forth, unable to sit still. Then she pulled herself together, sat on the couch, and began to think.
“Okay, I need to remember—maybe Oleg said something to me last night and I just didn’t pay attention? What did he say? About what? About nothing! We didn’t talk all evening. Each of us was glued to our phones. I was texting Varya, and he was browsing cars on his favorite site.”
She desperately wanted to share what had happened with someone and hear some comforting words or at least a suggestion of where to look for her missing husband. But she understood it was too late to call anyone—it was nearly three in the morning.
Then she decided to check what clothes and shoes he had left in. And there she got another shock—Oleg had disappeared wearing his home clothes and slippers.
“Now this I really don’t understand! How is that even possible? Did someone actually abduct him? What nonsense! What sane person leaves home in the middle of the night in house clothes and without his phone? Am I losing my mind?”
Inna shouted this phrase quite loudly; hysteria was starting to set in.
Suddenly, in the deafening nighttime silence, she caught some sound. At first she didn’t realize what it was. Then she rushed to the hallway, hoping to see Oleg coming in safe and sound. The creak sounded exactly like their front door.
But sadly, the hallway was empty. Another detail caught her eye though—the front door was slightly ajar.
“How did I not notice that right away?” Inna wondered. “I walked past it several times.”
Throwing on a light jacket, she carefully and cautiously peered out into the stairwell. It was quiet and empty there too. Not a soul!
After thinking it over, Inna concluded her husband had indeed gone out, leaving the door unlocked. And he did it intentionally; otherwise the door would have latched, and he would have needed a key to open it, waking his light-sleeping wife.
“Okay, that’s something,” Inna reasoned.
“But where did my dear husband go practically in his underwear and leaving the door open? Taking out the trash in the middle of the night? Or did he have some crazy dream too? Maybe he’s sleepwalking and wandering the streets?” Her agitated mind churned out increasingly absurd theories.
Back inside, Inna leaned against the kitchen window overlooking the courtyard. No Oleg. No one at all—the city slept peacefully.
Only one guess remained—he was somewhere nearby, maybe in one of the neighboring apartments.
Inna again went out to the stairwell and quietly circled all the apartments on her landing, listening for strange sounds. Then she went down one floor and did the same, pressing her ear to each door. Then up to the top floor, inspecting all five floors of her building in the same way. Everywhere was quiet. Only in one apartment, where a baby had been born a month ago, was there faint noise and voices; the parents weren’t sleeping.
Back home, Inna sat down to wait for her missing husband. Sleep was out of the question. And how could she sleep when her husband had vanished? She knew sooner or later Oleg would return—and then he’d be in real trouble!
To calm her frayed nerves, she pulled a bottle of red wine from the fridge and generously filled a big glass. Without a second thought she drank almost the whole thing in one go. Warmth spread through her chest, and Inna—miracle of miracles!—was even able to see some humor in the situation.
“Well, this is straight out of a joke!” she giggled, pouring herself more of the “calm-me-down.”
“And you, Innochka, have lived to see this.”
At night every sound seems louder than in the daytime. About twenty minutes later, Inna distinctly heard the click of a door lock on one of the lower floors. Moving silently like a cat, she darted down the stairs. There she witnessed a very telling scene.
Her beloved husband Oleg was tenderly hugging their forty-year-old neighbor Zhanna, whose husband had recently left her. Oleg was likely saying goodbye after a wonderfully spent time.
“Thank you, Olezhek, you’ve comforted me. I’ll miss you,” whispered the neighbor, flushed from the pleasant minutes in another woman’s husband’s arms.
“Me too,” he murmured, clinging to another man’s wife as if she were his own.
The couple had no idea they were being watched by an enraged Inna barely holding herself back.
“Now, Olezha, you have to make sure you get home unnoticed. Can you? The last thing I need is trouble with your wife,” Zhanna cooed.
“I’ll try; it’s not my first time,” Oleg laughed contentedly.
Inna couldn’t take it anymore; she could no longer endure this humiliation.
“Ah, there you are, darling! And I’ve been looking everywhere for you—thought you’d been kidnapped!” she deliberately called out loudly, staring down at the lovers from above.
Caught off guard, completely unprepared for such a turn of events, they froze, gaping stupidly up at Inna.
That was all the time she needed to pounce like a furious tigress. Inna grabbed her rival by the hair, which lay in a coquettish inviting wave on her shoulders.
“A-a-a!” Zhanna screamed through the stairwell.
“Help! Save me!”
“Inna, stop it immediately, what are you doing?!” the man stammered, not knowing how to act. He nevertheless tried to peel his enraged wife off his mistress’s back, where she clung fiercely, unwilling to let go.
Inna had settled so firmly and skillfully astride her neighbor, clutching her hair, that getting her off was no easy feat. The betrayed wife also showered her victim with hearty blows.
“Take that! I’ll show you how to deceive me! I’ll show you late-night dates!” Inna screamed.
Along with her hands, Inna’s legs were also hard at work. Twisting around, she managed to kick Oleg, who was flailing nearby trying to break up the fight. Her foot landed squarely on his eye.
“Ow!” he yelped. “You nearly poked out my eye! Are you crazy?!”
The loud screams and commotion soon woke the entire building. Disgruntled neighbors peeked out of their apartments. Some even came out to watch. The men chuckled, placing bets on one or the other of the fighters. The women begged someone to break it up and gasped at Inna’s every new punch.
“They’ll maim each other! Do something! What are you all staring at, men?”
“Well, Olezha, chased after women, did you? Don’t you know the saying ‘don’t sleep where you live’? Now you’ve got yourself a problem,” an elderly neighbor laughed.
“All you men are the same! Just looking for a warmer spot to crawl into,” his wife added sourly.
“Oh, sure, all of us! Did you ever catch me so you can talk like that? You’re standing here preaching. Go home, stop gawking!” the neighbor nudged his wife irritably toward their door.
Finally, Inna ran out of steam and let go of her rival. Zhanna looked miserable—scratched face, disheveled hair, a bruise already blooming under one eye. Inna, of course, had taken some hits too, but at that moment she felt no pain.
The deceived but avenged wife silently walked through the crowd of onlookers and headed to her apartment. Oleg meekly trailed after her. He knew an even nastier showdown awaited him there.
But Inna decided she’d had enough; she wouldn’t waste her energy on the cheater.
“Innusya, I…” her husband began uncertainly, stepping inside after her.
“Don’t even start! Don’t you dare open your mouth! Quietly pack your things and get out! Now!” she yelled, still shaken by the night’s events.
“Forgive me,” Oleg tried. “Zhanna must have bewitched me, hypnotized me. I didn’t want to go to her, honestly! Cross my heart! I didn’t even plan it. I wasn’t myself walking there. Maybe it’s witchcraft, huh?”
“Oh, how funny! Come up with something better! Even if someone bewitched you, it was your own wife, not somebody else’s. Don’t you dare try to fog my head with nonsense!”
“You won’t forgive me?” Oleg asked again.
“Are you insane? Who forgives things like this? Would you forgive me? Exactly! I don’t want to see or hear you ever again. And you’re talking about forgiveness! Divorce, no question! We’ll sell the apartment—I can’t live here after such humiliation. And you leave now, that’s only fair. You screwed up, you clear out.”
Oleg went to pack his things, and at that most inconvenient moment Inna suddenly recalled her stupid dream.
“Well, the dream did come true!” she said in astonishment.
“And they say not to believe in dreams! Well, mother-in-law, good job waking me! At least she was useful for something.”
The spouses soon divorced and sold their apartment. And all the building’s residents remembered for a long time the funny, ridiculous scene that once took place with their neighbors.
As a warning to their husbands, wives often said: “Don’t behave like Olezha. It won’t end well.”