“Then come over to my place and help me rewire the electricity.”
I was honestly taken aback by this kind of offer.
“Why would you want that?” I asked.
“I want to see if you’re a real man.”
To be completely honest, I get the feeling more and more these days that modern women have lost touch with reality. Every one of them dreams about a serious relationship, complains there are no good men left, and talks about how hard it is to be alone after forty. But the moment someone comes along who is direct about their intentions and takes a practical approach to dating, he’s instantly blamed for all sorts of things. My name is Ignat, I’m fifty-two, and I’ve been divorced for a long time. Over the past few years, I’ve realized most men make one big mistake when dating: they’re too generous at the start, and never stop to find out who they’re really getting involved with. So, I came up with my own method to quickly figure out if it’s even worth continuing to communicate with a woman. Oddly enough, most women see this approach as inappropriate, but I actually think it makes far more sense than the usual dating rules.
It all started after a few dates that left a bad taste in my mouth. On the first, a lady ordered a salad, dessert, coffee, and another dish with a French name—the cost of which matched half my weekly grocery bill. The next woman suggested we meet at a restaurant where the prices made it seem like the meals were delivered straight from a private jet. After the third time this happened, I finally realized a simple truth: these days, a man can quickly turn into a walking ATM. As soon as you show you’re interested in a woman, out come the bills, specific expectations, and not-so-subtle hints that it’s time to fork over some cash. But I’m not an oil tycoon or outrageously wealthy. I’m just a regular guy, like so many others out there. So, I decided it was time to change my tactics and act more rationally.
My thinking seemed obvious to me. If a woman is truly interested in a real relationship, why is meeting in a café so important? Why go to a restaurant and put on a show with waiters, fancy dishes, and bills that cost several times what you’d pay for a simple piece of chicken? It’s much easier to get to know someone at home. That way, you immediately see what kind of person they are: how they live, whether they can cook, if they keep things tidy, and how practical or resourceful they are. After all, if we’re considering living together, what’s the point of spending months walking in parks and having meaningless conversations when you could get a much quicker sense of each other? That’s how I came up with a straightforward idea I started suggesting to women I met.
“Let’s meet at your place.”
Usually after these words, the woman would ask a pretty predictable question:
“Why my place in particular?”
That’s when I would clarify my point of view:
“Because it’s simply fairer that way.”
But for some reason, after this answer, most women would start to get noticeably nervous, and I honestly couldn’t understand what exactly about my words made them uncomfortable.
The first person to show a strong lack of understanding about my idea was Oksana. We met on a dating site and messaged each other for about ten days. At first glance, she seemed like a pretty reasonable woman. Oksana was an accountant, loved to travel, grew some flowers on her balcony, and constantly complained about how tired she was of unserious men. I thought that I had finally found a woman who would appreciate my practical approach and wouldn’t cause drama over nothing.
“I suggest we have our first date at your place,” I wrote.
“Why at my place?” she asked.
“You could cook something for dinner, we can sit together, chat in peace, and get to know each other better.”
And then silence filled the chat.
A short pause passed, and I assumed Oksana was just distracted by something else. But soon, a new message came through:
“Ignat, are you sure you’ve got things straight?”
I really didn’t get what she meant.
“What do you mean?” I replied.
“We haven’t even met in person yet.”
“That’s the whole point of meeting up – to get acquainted,” I answered, genuinely thinking I’d made everything crystal clear.
But after that, the conversation took a direction I definitely wasn’t expecting.
“And who’s supposed to buy the groceries?” Oksana wrote.
I thought the answer was obvious, so without hesitation, I responded:
“Well, you have a fridge, don’t you?”
After that, for some reason, Oksana stopped replying. The next day, I was surprised to find out she had put me on her block list. I still believe it was all about her attitude toward honesty. Apparently, not everyone can calmly handle the truth, even if it’s said with the best of intentions.
Next up in my dating adventures was Natalia. She was forty-nine, worked as a realtor, and seemed like a really lovely woman. We met online and chatted so well for a few days that I even started making some plans. Natalia loved talking about family life, a cozy home, and a warm atmosphere. I was honestly happy – finally, someone who understands that a good match between a man and a woman is about more than just personalities, but also about daily life.
So again I decided to share my idea and offered her my usual suggestion.
“I think it’s best if our first date is at your place.”
“Why’s that?” Natalia asked.
“We need to check how compatible we really are.”
“And how exactly are you planning to check that?”
“For example, I’ll see how you cook.”
Natalia’s reaction totally took me by surprise. I never imagined that my serious words could send a grown woman into such a fit of laughter. She laughed for what must have been a full three minutes! When she eventually calmed down and wiped the tears from her eyes, she wrote:
“Then come over to my place and change the wiring.”
I was genuinely surprised by her suggestion.
“Why?”
“I want to test your manly skills.”
At that point, I really felt things were being unfair. Cooking dinner is just a basic life skill—useful for any family life. But rewiring the electricity? That requires special knowledge and skills! Yet for some reason, women always try to lump these completely different things together. When they’re the ones being tested, it’s considered normal, but when it’s the man, suddenly it’s all jokes and laughter.
But the toughest story I had was with Marina. You know how it was different from all the others? She actually agreed to my proposal! Can you imagine? After so many failed attempts, for the first time, I thought I had finally met a reasonable person who could appreciate my point of view.
“Alright,” Marina replied.
I started picturing how things would turn out for us, already daydreaming about our happy future together.
Then she asked the totally expected question:
“What should I cook?”
At that moment, I finally began to believe things were finally moving in the right direction. She agreed to have me over, was planning to cook dinner, and—judging by everything—wasn’t going to make a scene. Everything seemed perfect. But my happiness was short-lived. Marina’s next message quickly brought me back down to earth.
“Will you bring the groceries?”
I didn’t understand why this question came up, so I asked again:
“Why?”
“How am I supposed to cook without groceries?”
“Don’t you have any yourself?”
After that, Marina didn’t hold back. She told me everything she thought about me, called me stingy and cheap, and then just disappeared from my life. We never spoke again.
And this is where things get really interesting. Women are always calling me stingy, and I just don’t get it. All I’m offering is a fair relationship, where both sides do their part. I want to build a family on a fifty-fifty basis. I’m not trying to lean on any woman, I don’t expect her to provide for me, or shower me with expensive gifts. All I want is to see if she can create a cozy home and care for the little things. Is that really asking too much?
Yet, almost every new woman I meet sooner or later asks me the same question:
“So, what will you be doing at that time?”
Honestly, I find this all rather strange. I mean, I’m going to visit a woman, have a conversation with her, give her my time, be her company, and offer her the chance to spend an evening in pleasant company. Doesn’t that count for something? Isn’t my presence worth anything at all?
As it turns out, modern women have a completely different perspective.
One woman in particular left me completely astonished. We were talking on the phone, and I was carefully explaining my approach to dating: I described the idea of a home-cooked dinner, how I want to see if someone’s a good homemaker, and my serious intentions. I tried to speak calmly and convincingly, hoping she’d finally understand that my methods are just about avoiding unnecessary expenses and figuring out quickly if a woman is truly a good match for me.
After listening to all my arguments, she asked a question that really threw me off completely:
“Ignat, if you value homemaking and a cozy atmosphere so much, why can’t you make dinner yourself and just invite a woman over?”
That made me think. But honestly, only for about five seconds. Then I found an answer that seemed perfectly logical to me.
“Because I’m testing the woman.”
After I said that, she burst out laughing so loudly that I had to hold the phone away from my ear. From her reaction, it was clear she thought my answer made no sense at all.
Since then, I’ve started to notice a pattern. The older the woman I meet, the quicker she grasps the essence of my offer. If before some would argue, debate, and explain their point of view, now most of them get straight to the heart of the matter.
“Ignat, you’re not really looking for a woman at all.”
“Then what am I looking for?”
“A free dinner delivery service.”
And every time I hear something like this, it genuinely hurts. I really do want to find a life partner. I want a real relationship, something serious and long-term. I just want to avoid unnecessary expenses, fancy restaurants, bouquets of flowers, and all those costly romantic gestures that for some reason are considered mandatory when dating. I dream of a simple home life with delicious food, cleanliness, order, and comfort. Are my wishes really that unusual?
But every time, it turns out that this part of my plan is what women doubt the most. As soon as I start talking about a home-cooked dinner and suggest meeting at the woman’s place, the conversation always takes a completely different direction than I expect.
Still, I’m not planning on giving up. I’m still searching for that special woman who will one day see the advantages of my approach and agree to look at relationships from my point of view. To be honest, over the past year I’ve already been blocked by more than twenty women. Even my friends are starting to lose patience: now they start laughing before I can even finish explaining my dating concept.
Recently, one of my friends was especially blunt:
“Ignat, you’re basically asking a woman to pass an interview for the role of wife before you’ve even had your first date.”
At first, I wanted to argue. It seemed like an unfair comparison—after all, I’m just trying to get to know someone ahead of time and avoid wasting energy on a relationship that won’t work out. But then I paused and gave his words a little thought. Only for a moment, though.
Because if you dwell on it for too long, you might accidentally start to realize why women disappear from your life right after you suggest they make dinner for you when you arrive.
